I have a wish for any of you, my faithful followers who have experienced tragedy or loss this year or are feeling lonely.
PLEASE DO NOT BUY INTO the “Hallmark TV channel” perception that everyone is having fun this holiday except you.
PLEASE DO NOT BUY INTO the appearance that everyone on social media is healthy, happy and more successful than you.
PLEASE DO NOT BUY INTO those happy scenes of kids on sleds in a Target TV commercial clutching perfectly wrapped presents.
Hallmark is just a TV set full of paid actors with make-up artists hovering over them.
Folks on social media are struggling just like you and me.
The kids on Target sleds are only there to sell you a sweater.
I have spent many holidays alone and know how easy it is to fall victim to self-pity and “woe is me” feelings. I want you to experience joy and serenity this holiday, not self – pity and sadness, so I put together a simple 3-step serenity strategy for you to practice.
1. INTERRUPT your thoughts.
Please, please, please stop thinking that everybody else is having fun sitting by a crackling fire with a new puppy scampering about. Grampa is in his Santa hat carving a turkey for 18 people and wealthy cousin Elaine gave new iPads to everyone.
This perfect world doesn’t exist. I mean…sure it does, kinda. In a few very rare families. But even then, Grandpa has colon cancer, the puppy goes back to the pet shop on January 3, because mom is allergic, and a month later cousin Elaine gets another DWI.
All of us have hardships, addictions, illnesses.
2. Push the pause button
The next time you get triggered by a “Hallmark Holiday Moment” take a pause to stop your mind from loading up with sad emotions. Philosopher Viktor Frankl said: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space (when you hit your pause button) is an opportunity to choose how you will respond”. Buddhists call this space “the sacred pause”.
Pause and ask yourself “Do I want to wallow, or do I want to enjoy the spirit of the holidays (aside from Alvin screeching Christmas lyrics in the toothbrush isle) and feel grateful for what I have?”
Interrupting that onslaught of strong, “woe is me” feelings is REALLY hard to do. But if you want serenity, ya gotta hit pause.
Super important: Please, never squash your grieving process. You must go through the sadness and anger. But while feeling the loss you can have moments of joy and contentment in your life.
3. Choose
Intentionally choose thoughts that make you feel happy, calm, grateful: Your kids, a fun vacation coming up, a hilarious time with an old school friend, kind words from your boss.
In your response lies the freedom from holiday despair, and loneliness.
I promise you these three steps work, if you work them every day. You are worth it.
No matter what your circumstances, please take good care of yourself this holiday.
Let Alvin screech his songs. (I need to practice this.) Let go of all the false stories you see on social media and TV.
Don’t let all the tinsel and commercialism get under your skin.
Instead enjoy the many enriching, hopeful stories this holiday:
- The miracle of the oil on Hanukkah, that supernaturally burned for 8 days.
- St. Nicholas, the 4th century bishop who gave away his wealth to help needy children.
- The birth of Jesus in a manger.
- Celebrating Yule, the return of the sun god and days getting longer.
- And of course, my buddy Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
I wish you a wonderous holiday season.
#ohyesyoucan