I like being places. I just don’t like going places.
Last week, I took a quick 48-hour trip from Boston to Orlando to visit my 96-year-old mother. On paper it was a no brainer: Fast. Easy. But alas, my flight was delayed two hours. Then ten minutes before landing in Orlando it was diverted to Miami.
I was fuming inside.
Amid my anger and frustration, I got to thinking: Doesn’t our true character come out when we are 35,000 feet up in the air sitting in a steel tube traveling at 495 mph? There are millions of chances to have meltdowns when flying, but there are also millions of chances to practice patience and resiliency.
We always have a choice.
As a Confidence Coach for women, I decided to run a little mental toughness experiment on myself during this trip: To see how many challenges, annoyances, disruptions I would encounter and what mental pushups could I do to deal with them properly and to take care of myself.
There were tons of opportunities to be less cranky, more polite, and practice no judgment. By the time I arrived back home in Boston, I had done too many mental pushups to count. I was calm, patient, and grateful. I also cried a lot. This is my way of letting off steam, releasing anger, feeling my feelings. What are you like when you travel? Do you intentionally don your patience and resilience hats, making for a more peaceful trip? Or do you arrive at airports with your emotions unchecked?
We have a choice; we can either rant at flight attendants, get impatient in lines, and tip poorly, or stay flexible, calm and take good care of ourselves in the process. Mastering our emotions during air travel is an intentional act.
I got emotionally fitter on my mom-trip. Here are some ways you too can build more mental muscle.
1. Do you grouse about the expensive food in airports? This is stupid ranting. You can’t do a darn thing about this, so please, this has gotta stop right now. Either eat at the food court or bring your own snacks. And tip 30-50% to those hard-working waitresses even when they forget to refill your beverage. I can’t imagine how tough their jobs are, so give them a break. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford the trip.
2. Are you impatient waiting in lines? I did this mental pushup, and it made me much more patient: When boarding the plane, get in the back of the line. Be the last person to walk down the jetway and enter the plane. The last person. We’re all going to land at the same time folks, so what’s the rush? I know…I know…. board early and you won’t have to check your carry on. Is it living hell to have a bag checked? You are traveling 2,000+ miles, so seriously – how big a deal is this?
3. Not a flexible person? Speaking of checked bags: Do you get annoyed when asked to check your carry-on bag at the last minute? Suck it up and thank the sweaty luggage handler for hauling your bag. As you step onto the plane pat the outside of the fuselage and silently say “Thank you for delivering me to my destination.”
4. Do you want everything to always go your way? When my flight was diverted to Miami, I was freaking out. But then I thought, “Hey, I’m not drenched in sweat, driving two oxen pulling a covered wagon across the Nevada desert. I could have cholera right now or be starving on horseback. But no, instead, I’m in an air-conditioned airplane watching When Harry Met Sally. Calm down, Laura.”
Spending just $300 on airfare, I became more mentally tough than if I had taken a $3,500 10 day mental toughness boot camp in the Arizona desert. It was an invaluable learning opportunity. Plus, I got beach time under a few palm trees and lunch with mom in the deal.
Tips if you are traveling for sad reasons:
Sometimes we must travel for tragic, unfortunate reasons. It’s not a good time to practice mental pushups on these flights. Maybe you’re flying to be at the bedside of a loved one in hospice, or to see a specialist for a serious illness. Your fuse is low, and emotions are raw. It’s OK to cry. Flight gripes will surface, so be sure to take extra good care of yourself.
Don’t be shy to ask for help. I learned that there are good people everywhere who will show you grace, who will hoist your carry-on into an overhead compartment, let you ahead of them in line. They intuitively understand your pain and give you their aisle seat or hold your hand. I’ve experienced this myself.